MindGuard X includes these useful features:
- Biorhythmic synchronization with Scaleable biorhythm graph
- Birthname based numerological functions
- Logging & Log Viewer
- Newest psychotronic carrier modules
- Modular carrier system for easy upgrades
- DePsych mind deprogrammer removes post-psychotronic engrams
- Automatic signal deciphering
- Algorithms used by MindGuard to detect and decipher psychotronic signals:
- LZI & LZII (©1995 Lyle Zapato)
MindGuard has the following limitations:
An effective range of only 20 feet. If you venture out of this range, please construct and use a Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie.
Has no effect on VLF & ELF pain-inducing weapons due to their high power. Nor is it effective against Pulse Burst Microwave weapons. MindGuard is only meant to be used against psychotronic encrypted transmissions, not the transmitting vehicle.
Important Notice About Copper-based Chips
Don't throw out your old computers! The computer industry, no doubt at the behest of the forces of mind control, is conspiring to replace all aluminum in computer chips with copper. IBM has already shipped millions of copper-based PowerPC CPUs and has it's sights on all the other chips on your motherboard.
MindGuard uses the unique psychotronic properties of the aluminum found in the chips throughout personal computers to generate its psychotronic anti-signals. An all-copper computer would not be able to generate proper anti-signals and would be unable to run MindGuard properly (however it should still be able to pick up and decipher the signals since this is done at the semiconductor level).
DO NOT RUN MINDGUARD ON AN ALL COPPER PC! Computers with just a few copper components, such as the CPU, should still work fine for now. Make sure to do your research before replacing your mind control protection computer.
MindGuard has the following bugs:
A bizarre interaction between a CIA transmission and the random number generator caused an encrypted ideoglyph meaning "Kowtow to the New World Order and all her minions" to be transformed into a synaesthetic empagram that has left me deathly afraid of the color mauve. This may or may not happen again.